I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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