Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I intend to get homeless drunk
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
