she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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