i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
