um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
