I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
