Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
