I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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