Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
