there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
