The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
