you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
