Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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