I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
