Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
