How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
