He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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