Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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