i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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