My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I am available for nakedness
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
