the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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