I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
