I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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