so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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