HIV tests are more positive than that guy
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
