for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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