im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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