Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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