I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
