he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
