he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
