What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
