I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
