Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
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I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
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You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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