She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
