chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
