I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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