yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
