I can tuck mytits in my pants
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
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Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize