I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
