ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
