You're so nebulous sometimes
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize