i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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