yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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