i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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