if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
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