I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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