I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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