We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
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Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
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It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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