New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
