just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just invented taco cereal.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
