You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
