Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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