Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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