no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
