I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
