Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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