Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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