I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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