Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
