Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
