We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
My breasts were aching with rage.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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