doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
