you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
