Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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