we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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