ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
